23 November 2010

i am

Morning Moon
Originally uploaded by cazjane97
There is ice in the yard and a skiff of snow. The hummingbird feeders are frozen and have to be brought in the house to thaw, the birds tick-ticking their displeasure in the cold. My meditation today is to be in the moment.

I am.

Cold tingles in my nose like a bee sting. My eyes water. The moon is full on the horizon ahead of the dawn.

Later, pink clouds bring the sun up, and I drive north on roads slick with ice along the dark shores of the Columbia River.

I am, I remind myself.

I think my time is not my own, but I am here by choice and grateful for it. Many paths open before me, await my step. If I have the courage.

My friend runs and slides his feet on the frozen street and falls - almost. He laughs.

I am, I laugh.

At home, it's warm and there's my family. The street outside is blue with snow and moonlight. Inside we talk. Eat. Share stories. Listen. Read.

I pour the tea. Cool it with a splash of milk.

I am.

And so I am.


Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. ~ Satchel Paige

12 November 2010

any given day

Talking with my darling husband earlier today about the frailty and resilience of the human spirit, and the conversation evolved into something about the thought process of solving geometry theorems. I know, it sounds crazy. And super-nerdy.

Given a traumatic event followed by variable chaos (self-made and/or otherwise), prove happiness.

Prove faith.

Prove peace.

Does it take a certain kind of philosophical introspection to surpass living at a level of survival? Why do some people experience life trauma and never recover, while others move through the same experiences seemingly unaffected? Or lifted to a higher plane of living as a direct result? Is the difference genetic? Spiritual? About willingness? Effort? Luck?

In retrospect, I would be a different person today if I had not passed through even the smallest darkness of my life. Definitely a different person for the light.

Given this day, prove awe.

Two hummingbirds sparred outside my window this afternoon. They flew in tight circles under the porch roof, grazing the tops of the BBQ grills at the edge of the deck, out into the yard and back again. One landed on the butterfly-bush against the fence while the other stopped at the feeder. They traded places briefly, and then resumed their chase. I only stood inside the window, a cup of hot tea in my hand.

Given any day, prove gratitude.

The universe is resplendent with wonder.

I thank whatever gods may be.


If I have courage enough to open the next door, it is not darkness that spills out, but rather light that flows in.

05 November 2010

20-ish years

Pacific University mascot, Boxer
I am returning to school in January, accepted to the MFA in Writing program at Pacific University. Only 20 short/long years from my graduation from Weber State University and 28 years from my high school graduation. 

I admit, school was not always my favorite, but it had its moments.

Things in School I Did Not Love:

  • Mr. Eborn's Government class - right after basketball practice and way too disruptive of my attempts to catch a morning nap
  • Home Economics - after one week, I got to take shop instead
  • School assemblies
  • Dissecting frogs in Biology class
  • Detention - not ever like the Breakfast Club at all
  • Driver's Ed with Mr. Collier: "How many horses were in that pasture we just passed?!" So not on the test....
  • School lunch
  • 7am religion class (BYU) - who thought that was a good idea

Things in School that Did Not Suck:

The Shelley Russet
  • Basketball. Coach Jensen was the best, Stairway to Heaven was the song to play in the locker room to start a good game
  • Notes in class "Dear Bubbles.....Yours, Zero" (Yes, I was Zero)
  • Sound of Music, Camelot, Cinderella, Ten Little Indians, and Mr. Best's drama class (SHS)
  • The Shelley Russet
  • Summer school at Skyline H.S. in I.F., "21 Gun Salute" and everything by Queen and E.L.O.
  • Cutting class to go hang out at Tautphaus Park or ski Kelly's Canyon - depending on the season
  • Watching football reruns in Biology class
  • Lunch from Huntsman's Food Town: 1 bottle Mountain Dew, 1 Snickers
  • Track meets - Home or Away
  • Mr. Mortensen's Geometry, Trigonometry and Pre-Calc (SHS)
  • Mark Strand's writing class (UofU)
  • Dick Alston's economic history class (WSU)
  • Merlin Cheney's directed reading on Thomas Hardy (WSU)
  • Lee McKenzie (WSU) RIP
So excited for the next adventure. Having been a Shelley Russet, BYU Cougar, UofU Ute, and WSU Wildcat, I anticipate only the best as a Pacific University Boxer.